Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
