Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
