I can't watch pbs sober anymore
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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