Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
