someone threw a dead crab at me
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
what day is it and did you see me today?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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