So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's rum buckets o'clock
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Holy shit dude........stairs
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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