Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
