I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize