we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
