just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
