Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
