I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
