A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
