my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
