she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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