The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
and you fell through a lawn chair
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
