My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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