her vagine was all disorganized.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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