i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
