Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
