Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
