I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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