Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
