Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
