I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
