now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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