Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
