This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
