Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
