Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
