This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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