Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
