and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
