he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
