Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
