my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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