why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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