So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize