FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
