Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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