You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
