i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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