What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
