I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
