somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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