I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
