He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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