have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
