i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
