dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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