nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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