Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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