Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
