Jerry, you need to find god
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize