Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
