So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize