oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
