I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
