I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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