I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
