i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
