its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
