so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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