Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
