Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
