Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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