I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
