Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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