should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
