omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
