I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
