my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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